He placed the tray in the middle of the table.

Pulling out her chair

Gave a sigh of relief

In his mind thought, "I'm still able"

Gently taking her tiny wrinkled hand guiding her as she took her place in the chair.

Her smile the same as it had been for what seemed years.

He took his seat across the table,

The wrinkles in on his face showed many years that had passed now.

They had shared everything for so many years, they seemed to know nothing else.

They were one.

This had to be what it felt like to live in a painting that would never fade.

As they swallowed a handfull of afternoon pills that kept them alive for a time they smiled,

Smiles that hadn't changed in all the years they had known together.

Years through growing through fights, unending bliss, children, children's impossible moments, grandchildren, war and so very much more.

Eventually there would be an end.

But for now they still smile, they love they live in their painting that never fades.





(this is my original work please use my name if you copy it.)

Really? "OOPS there goes gravity"

From time to time I love a good quote a movie, a song, a poem, or a random thought that someone happens to spit out. Now days do many songs have that many original lyrics well scratches that "back beats" Talking about rap. It's rather disappointing really some of it is really good but..where is the heart in the rap, the soul? The words come out but the beats well they are not their own and frankly these are sad times. So I suppose a quote is a great form of flattery and so should stealing 'back beats" and even "lyrics" But come on Wycliff Jean and Kenny Rogers WTF the Gambler was NEVER meant to be a rap and believe me it IS KENNY ROGERS. Take a listen HE changes it up. I'm just sayin' :) Anyway the moral to the story is these days more than ever the old music the good stuff is now the new stuff proving that what goes around always comes around and I hope the artist of yester year are making shit tons of money!(Eminem is making mad cash and he duplicates a lot of old stuff .) Because most of them are probably broke by now. :)

By The Way: I love the way you lie is a song about abuse! Not a Christian song! The kids that came up with that idea need to watch the video again and the parents too! It brings to light a message Listen and hear the LYRICS!!! Have a talk with your children! He threatens to kill them both in the end. Abuse is no matter that should ever be misunderstood for something of beauty. For something that is cool. As some of us know and many teens and children know it hurts on so many levels and you never lose that hurt. It's an amazing truthful song and a beautiful one at that, easy to be misunderstood by teens. LISTEN AGAIN and hear it kids and again parents just listen to music with your kids and when they have questions talk with them! That's what we are here for. Even if you don't enjoy their music listen anyway. Sometimes you might find you do and then you may find common ground to stand on. Be there, listen, talk!
HOLD OUT YOUR HAND AND PULL THEM IN! The Zen of JENN-

And so begins it begins anew

The video posted below is something to be heard as the message is clear, many teens and even adults feel this way today. Has God become something of an invisible being that is no longer part of lives in this younger generation, have many of the people in my generation stopped asking stopped praying? Maybe. And if so does it mean this will be the end? Who knows I think we don't know preachers, pastors, and so on well they are but men and they read words from a book written by men so we put our faith in men who preach the word of God and Jesus. Before you people out there get all in an uproar and fall on the floor thinking I am some sort of non-believer please get this NOT SO! We are in the days and times where people look upon the world shaking their heads in disbelief wondering where is God now? Oh and all the good men and women where are they I ask? The polite people ya know excuse me, please, thank you and so on....then what a great bunch of kids we are raising! WOW!!!!! Need I really say more, however how much of it is just truly the kids? Listen to the kids in this video and then ask yourself that question! Parents don't brag enough, they don't brag enough even about the mediocrity in the smallest of accomplishments! Or praise kids when they are like yo check it I made an awesome track today (and really they have zero skills) But you dance to the beat in THEIR head and heart because they are growing into who they are they will know soon enough that they are not rappers. That is just a small example. Not every kid will be a super athlete, a brainiac, artist, pop star, the way I see it let them figure it out it's hard to try not to push as well we should guide but guide gently. Teach them to have faith, but allow them to believe in God and when the question God allow it that is part of growing up in this cruel world today. If they believe for a while in just the music allow it but never stop talking, our kids need us they need to know there is something out there bigger than all of us. I believe in music! It is VERY important in my life but I also believe it is a gift. Believe and teach your babies no matter how old they get, that life is beautiful and we are closer to the edge right now but your hand is ALWAYS there to keep them from falling!

30 Seconds To Mars - Closer To The Edge

I sit here listening to Iris for those of you who are asking who's iris those of you who happen to not know that is my youngest Boxer. She is being a big whiner this week whine whine whine! Daddy is out of town TDY and she hasn't done this much and when she has to she is just miserable. Poor baby the others are used to it although my oldest cat Isis and Mufasa my oldest boxer get really pissed they just deal. Zeus the youngest cat just doesn't really give a shit. He is just a hang twenty kinda dude. Ya know a cat that has tude and rules in his world he is ZEUS after all!
So tomorrow is my big 40th. For real? I mean in the grand scheme of things should it matter as much as I feel like it does? If not then why do I feel like shit? I hated 35 but not as much, I have a hard time growing older maybe part of it is it means my kids are growing older I don't know either way IT SUCKS! Mike's not home and to be honest that pisses me off, we haven't had too many of my B-Day's together, so here it is just me and Hayley. I know Hay will make the best of it she always has tried to cheer me up whenever I am blue so no worries there. But I can't figure out a thing to do at all!!!! I just want to stay in bed all day ya know? Or fast forward through the day make it go go gadget go. Won't matter one bit if Mike comes home and tries to make up for being gone like he said he would to late then don't wanna do it twice DUH!!!!! then Mom and dad wanna do something Sunday so wait that means that'll be 3 times gotta say a serious FUCK that!!!! That would make me feel like I am 120 years old. Instead of 40 Shut The Front Door hell to the NO! Anyway enough about my B-Day it's coming fast and furious will spend today being 39 and that's that! One more day in my 30's.....
Well I guess I will make this one shorter than normal time to run the errands. But will close one this one. thinking I hate it when people don't call back or answer e-mail or messages! It's seriously rude and beyond irritating what ever happened to manners I guess they disappeared with the century huh?

So On with it

So on with it:
The day is here, the night has gone and so what to do with this day? Or what to think or not think? Ah that is something to ponder. There are people everyday who wake up knowing exactly what to do, and I mean they have every moment planned down to the millisecond. What does that feel like I used to know when I had a job during the day or my hours were at night. When I worked because I wanted to or because I had to. I used to know when I went to school and there was a schedule planned for me, or my parents told me. But now, nope. It's just what I choose, what I want. I feel like this person who sits and wonders, ponders, and I wonder is that a bad thing? Oh, there are some days I do envy people with these days that they know exactly what their lives are all about, they get every task completed and walk around with chests puffed out and make $ thinking ah you are lazy and do nothing you sit on your ass and do nothing! But do I really???

Behind the whole world's back maybe, just maybe I am doing something and no one knows about it. Maybe I have found greatness, "muchness" (Alice In Wonderland I love that word adding that to my vocab!). Recently I was told by someone I find to be an important part of my own puzzle in life , I Jenn- have a story and when I start to tell it people will listen in whatever way I choose to tell it and appreciate what I have to say. Then I will matter and NO ONE will ever tell me again that I sit on my ass doing nothing. Because what I have done in the quiet corners, the secret rooms of my mind will be there for all to see and the doubters of Jenn- can well; quite simply go fuck themselves.

It is at times very hard to believe in oneself I mean with a brain that runs a muck and a past that is the way it is. But I am gaining ground. I think sometimes shit I am 3 days now away from 40 and where the hell am I where have I gone in this life? But then I do see in the mirror with the wrinkles and stark damn white hair that started growing like uh way too early! And say ya know I have been a lot of places and my brain is full and there are lots of creases in there. Lots of crazy memories full of good, wonderful, frightening, scary, horrific, amazing things, and so many other adjectives I could go on until I have named 100 but I won't. In time my life will catch up to my brain my heart will catch up to my soul and then I will have reached the point where I will share with all the people my greatness, my muchness! But until then it just mine to hold onto.