I sit here listening to Iris for those of you who are asking who's iris those of you who happen to not know that is my youngest Boxer. She is being a big whiner this week whine whine whine! Daddy is out of town TDY and she hasn't done this much and when she has to she is just miserable. Poor baby the others are used to it although my oldest cat Isis and Mufasa my oldest boxer get really pissed they just deal. Zeus the youngest cat just doesn't really give a shit. He is just a hang twenty kinda dude. Ya know a cat that has tude and rules in his world he is ZEUS after all!
So tomorrow is my big 40th. For real? I mean in the grand scheme of things should it matter as much as I feel like it does? If not then why do I feel like shit? I hated 35 but not as much, I have a hard time growing older maybe part of it is it means my kids are growing older I don't know either way IT SUCKS! Mike's not home and to be honest that pisses me off, we haven't had too many of my B-Day's together, so here it is just me and Hayley. I know Hay will make the best of it she always has tried to cheer me up whenever I am blue so no worries there. But I can't figure out a thing to do at all!!!! I just want to stay in bed all day ya know? Or fast forward through the day make it go go gadget go. Won't matter one bit if Mike comes home and tries to make up for being gone like he said he would to late then don't wanna do it twice DUH!!!!! then Mom and dad wanna do something Sunday so wait that means that'll be 3 times gotta say a serious FUCK that!!!! That would make me feel like I am 120 years old. Instead of 40 Shut The Front Door hell to the NO! Anyway enough about my B-Day it's coming fast and furious will spend today being 39 and that's that! One more day in my 30's.....
Well I guess I will make this one shorter than normal time to run the errands. But will close one this one. thinking I hate it when people don't call back or answer e-mail or messages! It's seriously rude and beyond irritating what ever happened to manners I guess they disappeared with the century huh?

So On with it

So on with it:
The day is here, the night has gone and so what to do with this day? Or what to think or not think? Ah that is something to ponder. There are people everyday who wake up knowing exactly what to do, and I mean they have every moment planned down to the millisecond. What does that feel like I used to know when I had a job during the day or my hours were at night. When I worked because I wanted to or because I had to. I used to know when I went to school and there was a schedule planned for me, or my parents told me. But now, nope. It's just what I choose, what I want. I feel like this person who sits and wonders, ponders, and I wonder is that a bad thing? Oh, there are some days I do envy people with these days that they know exactly what their lives are all about, they get every task completed and walk around with chests puffed out and make $ thinking ah you are lazy and do nothing you sit on your ass and do nothing! But do I really???

Behind the whole world's back maybe, just maybe I am doing something and no one knows about it. Maybe I have found greatness, "muchness" (Alice In Wonderland I love that word adding that to my vocab!). Recently I was told by someone I find to be an important part of my own puzzle in life , I Jenn- have a story and when I start to tell it people will listen in whatever way I choose to tell it and appreciate what I have to say. Then I will matter and NO ONE will ever tell me again that I sit on my ass doing nothing. Because what I have done in the quiet corners, the secret rooms of my mind will be there for all to see and the doubters of Jenn- can well; quite simply go fuck themselves.

It is at times very hard to believe in oneself I mean with a brain that runs a muck and a past that is the way it is. But I am gaining ground. I think sometimes shit I am 3 days now away from 40 and where the hell am I where have I gone in this life? But then I do see in the mirror with the wrinkles and stark damn white hair that started growing like uh way too early! And say ya know I have been a lot of places and my brain is full and there are lots of creases in there. Lots of crazy memories full of good, wonderful, frightening, scary, horrific, amazing things, and so many other adjectives I could go on until I have named 100 but I won't. In time my life will catch up to my brain my heart will catch up to my soul and then I will have reached the point where I will share with all the people my greatness, my muchness! But until then it just mine to hold onto.

Leave It To Beaver? Nah That's Just BS!!!

Let's think for a moment. This TV Show(Leave It To Beaver for those of you who I have lost) portrays this family from a place and time that was made up in a world that just didn't exist the "Twilight Zone" if you will. (That was an awesome show) It's never existed why? Because people it was TV, TV and TV is just a bunch of Bull Shit! I mean check it, the Munsters they thought they were normal and Marylin was the screwed up one. I will admit this was like and still is one of my most favorite TV shows why? Marylin of course what the hell? I AM Marylin! I am the abnormal one in a dysfunctional no leave it to beaver family which never existed except on TV in the Twilight Zone! Is this making sense to anyone but me I ask? Probably only a few select readers and those of you that it does well guess the hell what welcome to Marylin's world!
Today I am writing about the old shows and maybe even will touch on new ones just because this is my Fucking blog and guess what? No one controls what I write about here CUZ IT"S MY BLOG! Smiling like the Cheshire Cat of course. There is a reason behind my madness believe it or not, isn't there always? :) A friend who I haven't heard from in a long time in fact months actually I am not sure the last time I heard from her. Not important just rambling. Anyway, we were childhood friends and she seems to be the only childhood friend left that I can actually pick up a conversation with where we left off. make amends from JR High not even remembering why we had to and move the hell forward. So this friend has been going through a real hard time, thanks Obabma's world. Anyway we both have families that are alike in a lot of ways and I shake my head and say where is The Beaver when ya need him anyway and the answer he is at bad boy Eddie Haskle's house and they are in the Twilight Zone. Because Frickin' Beaver and his family are full of shit!!! Nothing ever works out so simple. No nothing is ever that easy. And let's face it what kid ever acts that way? I mean we all go around saying If I had ever acted that way, talking about our kids other kids whatever..blah blah blah hell we know what would have happened for sure. Yep some of us would have been beat to hell and back, some grounded for weeks, and some well just flippin' ignored. But for real was it ever just "now beaver blah blah" in a super clam lovin' manner. And now ? WTF look at the kids today outta control a lot of 'em anyway. Crazy! We blame it on society, TV, and on and on and on shit come on it's all Beaver's fault and we all know it! Because we are broken over the generations we have longed for what they "used" to have. Some of us are succeeding in this we are breaking the mold! And some are just walking around lost and their hearts just don't give a flying frogs ass so they medicate their kids to shut 'em up ones that don't need it. Oh my oh my he/she's ADHD/ADD the teacher doesn't wanna deal with it the parent doesn't wanna hear it MEDICATE MEDICATE!!!!! So then how in the hell are we ever supposed to figure out if a child's mind is truly touched? Ahh it's the Leave It To Beaver Syndrome. Hurry we must make appearances we must be perfect, try a little harder, stand a little taller, watch your mouth, be popular. And on and on. Half of the adults I know suffer from what their DYSFUNCTIONAL "Munster" parents did to them they walk around with holes in their souls preaching I will never be like......Then one morning they wake up look in the mirror self evaluate after a huge ass fight with a child, husband, wife, parent, grown siblings, and say, SHUT THE FRONT DOOR (shut the fuck up) I am JUST LIKE........ are you fucking kidding me? And the tears roll and shit maybe goes flyin' ad nothing in your life has changed you just carried the ball into the next generation and you are now spreading the toxicity into the following.. Me? I am Marylin! Different and working damn hard and have all of my children's life to be a different type of Mom getting a lot of shit along the way, but one thing is for fucking certain MY KIDS!!!! although different don't dwell in the damn TWILIGHT ZONE their life is real, touchable, attainable, above all Full of Love and HONEST!!!!
So there it is I guess I could just ramble on about this subject but I am gonna leave it there for now. I am no perfect Mom and there are days I put on a smiley face and drop my personalty my true self for Military Wife reasons but those are the days I must for respect, the respect I bare for Mike. Other than that take it or leave it. I am Honest, My kids are honest they and I well, it just is what it is if anyone can't love us and accept us for EVERY single fraction or molecule of who we are we just don't give a shit. I DON"T give a shit! Cuz Me I am Marylin Munster!!!!! The Outcast. :) Non-Normal and just well dysfunctional.

Good Morning

So morning has come and I am feeling pretty good. Sigh,take a breath it's been a long week of frustration. One thing though just not looking forward to tonight. I have to do that damn political thing ya know as an Army Wife. The thing ya do when your husband's Commands invites you to his house which you all know I really just suck at this shit. Be on my best behavior for long periods of time. LOL! Just sucks and the anxiety sucks. Ya gotta do what ya gotta do that's the mantra of the day tell myself over and over. Smile.
So we sat and watched the Hurt Locker last night. Gotta just sit here and say I really am sort of stumped on this one. Don't know wether it should have won best picture or was it that good? The guys were amazin' give them their props! But, again I am stuped on this one. I guess it as a military wife and mom even though my hubby and son don't have that job it still touches you in a way that makes you hold your breath. Seeing the gunner knowing my son was in that position every time he was on the road in his MRAP, I don't know. Again really hard to explain. OK enough about that one. Hayley and I watched the Lovely Bones after that one Great Movie. I love Markie Mark anyway. He hates being referred to as that but I still can't help but see him that way as he has said a million times in interviews LMAO! I can't imagine ever having to deal with something like that!! EVER. But at this time I can't remeber the girl's name who played "Susie" but she was really good in that role. Only issue with this one could have picked a different Grandma can't stand Susan Seranden(SP)!!! I had been dying to see this one and it was soooo worth the wait!
Finally got my car all finalized last night so it is mine all mine. Yipee!! Now that stress is gone whew! But I gotta say their make ready dept. Blows. My car really is not as clean and detailed as it should be however, I really am not complaining much Mike and I are gonna detail it this weekend if the weather holds and if we can find time in between the privates playing soccer, the thing at his commander's, and Mowing Mom's yard tomorrow and getting Hayley to the pool for a while at least one day. But that is if the weather holds too. AAAGGGHHH> icky crappy weather all week. :( I hope everyone out there has an awesome weekend with great family time or quiet time whichever! I'll be back tomorrow morning in my quiet time.

So another day is here and...Life, Czars, and OIL

I am having this 80's moment this 80's music marathon if you will. Sittin' with some coffee and in my PJ's. Ya know it is so ironic, there are these two songs that have come back around to these days they describe our lives perfectly the politics but actually no one could really predict how we would be livin' in Obama's world or did they???

Check 'em out Ball of Confusion by Love and Rockets and World Destruction by Time Zone. Be aware those of you who are my friends post 80's I was quite the "punker" back then. Lovin' it Time Zone was a slam dancin' sorta group but not not what they call "Scream-O" music today it's not that hard core I wouldn't put those bands out there for ya. :) even though they were listened to as well LOL! I know we aren't livin' in the times of Reganomics but in essence this is just so much worse. Obama is just a complete idiot who surrounds himself with even bigger idiots and Czars hello? Didn't know we had gone back in time, in the times when Russia was Russia and the Czars ruled with Iron fists. One ruler one set of rules a puppet master if you will. Oh hell I could go on and on but I am so tierd of beating the same old drum. Anyway I'm just saying.

Oil: Ok we have the Gulf filling with oil as I write. With each strike of the key another inch of ocean is affected, another little bit of my beautiful peace is removed. Yes the ocean is MY peace that's where I go when I need to get rid of whatever is overwhelming my soul, whatever wishes I want to send off to where the moon, stars, and sun touch the sea. The sounds take away everything renew my heart and the salt in the ocean never stings like a tear that rolls down your check, that salt is your friend. The absolute saddest thing is that BP knew this was comming and I have 1st hand knowledge of this, they knew and did nothing. IT WAS NOT the company that built the rig it was BP the co who was supposed to maintain the rig. So know the ocean and the animals pay for the cheap bastards who own the damn rig. So now all the idiots who scream we don't need to drill here have another reason to scream even louder. Sorry? BUT fuck Saudi, and Iraq and all the Arabs we need to put our country to work we need to look out for us. Yes I am so miserable knowing what is happening and I sit in shock but this doesn't affect the opinion that I think and believe we still need to depend on ourselves and not forgien oil.
A friend brought up an awesome point though and I have to ask on here to due to the fact I have other readers. (Kudo's Matt) Where are all the Benefit concerts for the gulf victums ya know fishermen & so on, Where are the helpers by the tons cleaning birds and on and on and on...we flock to other countries for disater relief but not our own?? Why is our Govt. not allowing people who are waiting to help with the clean up out there? I saw one gut with an invention yeah it may not work it may not soak it up or all up but WTF let him try!!!!!!! He's waiting and begging! Again I ask where is Hollywood on this one?

Oh shit it's Friday! Time to have some Tequila Rose been a long irritating week can y'all tell???? LMAO!

One more thing

Ok i have to ask?? Even if there is no one out there reading my shit this truly is some good therapy!

Question?? If someone keeps asking you something and you DO NOT answer doesn't that mean you don't wanna answer therefore you should just STOP asking? And think to yourself uhhh maybe she just doesn't wanna answer me? I mean shit! What the fuck? Get off my ass already leave me alone. BUT NOOOOOO so I finally answered. Just to shut her up fucking annoying!

Then you read one of this dumb asses posts and it reads Just called my Grandson and he answered! LMFAO! SHOCKER!He sounded good and then writes Luv U Dude just like that. What the fuck ever get real this is an attention craver. Of course it gains comments blah fuckiety blah LIAR and believe me if she called it was FREE minutes cuz it was posted at like 7 in the morn. and he probably talked 10 min if that. HA! He can't stand her. No one likes a liar, no one likes some one who is selfish, mean or spiteful. But we him and I for the sake of family will take her shit with a big fuck you smile and carry on. GGGRRRR

Just had to vent figure this is the best way to do it because all I am trying to do is maintain some sense of composure where she is concerned and BTW NO she can't read this blog LMAO!!!

So Movies Judgement and My Choice

Today is one of those mornings where I have woken up with a thousand things on my mind. OK maybe that is an egaggeration. Ya know that is a really popular phrase; come to think of it people say that all the time. Hum I wonder why? And who said that 1st?

I wonder why it is that to this day Mom finds it absolutely nessacery to bitch about my punctuation? I mean really who cares it's not as if everyone is sitting there covering their mouths saying...Oh Oh Oh My God!!! You forgot a period there, or a comma dosen't belong or whatever wait a second thinking oops there is another person who tends to bitch silently well maybe two more HA! Mike! and my Brother however my Brother doesn't have access to this blog so there ya go and if he did you can bet your ass he would be all over any spelling mistakes!!!! FO SHO! But here is my theroy on this my brain runs amuck it works faster than my hands always has, so screw punctuation I have no time for it. DEAL WITH IT> got it? any questions?

Now with that outta of the way. I was pondering movies and wow today's movies are just a trip! I mean there are some that rock for sure graphics plots and so on. However, where are the memorable lines the ones that stick? The movies you watch over and over and over. The ones you can never get enough of? The movies you watch and know every line the ones you watch and piss everyone off that hasn't seen it cuz you do the lines while watching? Where are those movies? I know that they have put out some movies today like the Notebook, August Rush, Life is Beautiful (How many have seen the last Two) Seven Pounds, and there are more of course. There are sleepers out there that i have seen, comidies ah Surfer Dude anyone seen it? But I mean wow where have all the ones that STICK gone the great ones like I said? Just not feeling many these days and I am a HUGE HUGE movie collector and fan! So if ya know of one lemme know dyin' to see a good one. One that matters. These days they all seem mediocore.

Another thing if you don't agree with my fucking car choice keep your mouth shut! Or I will tell you what you can make a payment for me on another type of car!!!! Bout tired of taking the shit slinging. So thanks had to get that off my chest. It is what it is people!!!!!!!!!! And it is not owned by OUR FUCKING GOVERNMENT AND YOU AREN"T PAYING FOR IT WITH YOUR TAXES NOW ARE YOU?????????? So now on that note y'all have a good day again just wanted to get that out there have a good day and don't wanna hear anymore about my car unless it is something nice.

Music, the way it is HEARD not just listened to

Topic: Music
Difference, Hearing apposed to listening....
Me? I listen to it all everything from classical to rap to the Rat Pack to Opera (will admit don't listen to much of that gets irritating if I listen for long periods of time.) To 80's which I still love, Country you name it! It gets played in my house. Yep Rap can be disturbing The words can be harsh gansta drug demeaning w/e but...I figure it's like this better to have my kids listen to it with us so we can TALK about it all after all it'll come around at school! Don't know say what ya will. And yep my boy went to school in 2nd grade singing Gansta's Paradise ok maybe that was too young I will admit but......that is a memory no one will EVER take from him and Mike it was their turn it up play it loud song! Sing well wait.....rap the shit outta it song! My kids and I when Mike was deployed would blare Bob Marley while riding in my Cabrio it was said it's a Bob Marley moment when I would get depressed and off we would go for Sonic Slushies and cheese tater tots. Never mind the political BS he was singing it was the singing we were doing that mattered No Woman No Cry!
When you JUST listen to music you just listen bob your head tap your foot ya know sing along blah blah ya know the words but they mean nothing at all. I am not saying every song is meant to have meaning such as, T-Pain's Apple Bottom Jeans I mean hello??? I want Candy by Bow Wow Wow, The Dumb Song by Psychostik let's face it that is just hilarious! Of course I could go on and on and on. The point is again not all songs are meant to be anything but exactly what they are lyrics to make you sing, dance, or just laugh at the stupidity of it all.

However here we go the whole meat of the matter. HEARING a song means you feel a song in your heart in your soul. You know the meaning, it takes you in, you disappear into the melody, the words in those moments. This is a lesson I have taught my children from birth if you will and they learned it well. Music can be salvation in the worst of days and during the best of days bring you amazing joy and later provide amazing memories. Music can trigger memories that tug on your heart take you to a place where you want to be again or a place you despised and never want to revisit but the song plays on and the drummer beats with your heart and you listen and you know that even though that was a horrible time you were at your best. There are songs that would mean nothing, but I can take and within that same fraction of time flip words around and make them fit my situation my life at that time. There are songs my children find that they say are ours just ours my son has the same capability now to be able to flip a song. And he does. Amazing. Hayley plays music with passion and is getting better at it. Hears and loves it.

Anyway I suppose the whole reason I write this thing is cuz I was chillin' to some music this morning and it came across my mind while listening to Eddie Brickell and Trapt (that's the name of a band) . So I figured I would share my theory. Anyway y'all should try it! Good stuff and ya might just see a difference :)

Well another day...

The 2nd day of summer for hayley and it's mucky outside. Who knows if it will clear up and at this point who cares. Cuz if i don't whip out some cleaning Mike will surely string me up by my piggies. I think Hurricane Morrill went through over the weekend well hell maybe last week too. Excuses are not abound I just say uh well I don't really know why I have done some cleaning you just can't tell maybe cuz I am like this dog who chases it's tail around and around doin' stuff but what stuff who knows. The fruits of my labor fall from the tidy basket. Where the hell is Mary Poppins anyway I mean shit maybe she only hangs out in England!

Yesterday was a good day, ya know swimming and in the sun. Brain question:? How is it that back when I was little and even still they say the sun gives you Vitamins. Vitamin D in fact a very impotart vitamin but then they say don't go into the light you'll get skin cancer of course people do that's a fact but for real what the hell that's a real contradiction don't ya think? I mean does sunblock block the vitamins we need too?? Things that make ya go Hum. So I know there are like some smart ass (not like meaning smart asses ya know in the like durgatory sense) but medics, nurses, w/e ya know Army peeps so cough up the answer! Cuz that is running around like this little mouse in my head now. Anyway back to the pool good stuff lots of laughs in fact had time at the pool on Sat. and Sun too and now I am getting a good tan so that is 'mazin' lovin' the summer weather and acting like a complete IDIOT at the pool!! Laughter is the total feel good stuff and when ya get to share it even mo better.

Well it's that time I must go clean house although I would rather be at some beach. Anywhere but in town even Sea World so I could like pretend it was the beach?? So catch y'all on the flip side.

Amazed, dazed but just not confused about CHANGE

There is this thing this statement people always use. People NEVER change ha! Who in the hell are we kidding? Look at the person sitting right next to you, or across the room or a million miles away or what seems to be anyway. And see them for who they are right this very minute! Are they that person they were when you met? Do you laugh as often, do you trust as much, love as much, smile as much and the list goes on? Well do ya? I am not talking about just a spouse cuz maybe that is better maybe friendships are better maybe your dog acts better maybe anything is better than yesterday. BUT it has changed. PEOPLE change. Times change. The world changes with each rotation. It fucking changes. Maybe it's just habbits that don't change.

What has me thinking this morning about change? Two examples:


1: A so called friend who I really have been avoiding since April. So maybe that makes me a bad friend too. But in truth I avoid the situation to be a better friend. Mike and I made a deal it was just best this way. This is CHANGE For the words that would fly outta my mouth would sting and they would be words I could never take back. When you disagree with behavior it is just best to be still and quiet sometimes. I can be brutal and too honest at times hurting those in ways that sometimes is just too much I guess so I have been told. So over the course of 2 years I have learned to back off. One irritating issue you as a friend say you will call; CALL. Don't always worry bout yourself! When you know that YOUR friend's father could just have been handed a death sentence YOU check on her she shouldn't have to call YOU! A true friend give you comfort when a family pet dies but you can't return the favor. When her Dad has a heart attack or again her father is sick. OK I could continue anyway I could continue but.... Her life has chnged but some is just the same habbits those seem to stay.

2: A Family member is so selfish that they expect YOUR child or your family to go out of THEIR way to see them, but uhhhh HELLO???? you see on Face Book they are passing right by San Antonio for uhh I don't know like the 100th time since you have lived here to go to Houston. Yeah I just think not. Call it petty call it what you will. Just do not give a flying frog's ass. Never thought I would see such changes but it's been this way for a LONG time now and that's ok I have grown sort of accustomed to it. Not to say that in some moments it doesn't piss me right the HELL OFF!!!!!!!! Family interesting concept too bad it is just sort of a concept that isn't always functional.

However sometimes change can be really good. Sometimes we grow and change in the right direction. We realize there are people out there in the world who are toxic to us and it is better if we just walk away. We figure out what matters and who matters. We dip our toes into new friendships lightly being oh so careful not to dive in. Then when the time is right we allow the right people to be our true friends. We allow the right people to love us and we bare our souls and true selves to only those that deserve it most. Those that will stand beside us through all the tiniest of changes each little wrinkle, or white hair, each laugh or moment of silence, or the salt of each tear. Change it happens and those who say people NEVER change well they are just full of shit. I know of the course of my life well just look at me and say I have never changed.....

Today is a day for headaches.

I have a massive headache today and it sucks but that's o.k. the day could always be worse .

Kristifer is going to the E5 Board tomarrow i am siked but nervous for him of course. Isn't that what a Mom is for? At least some Mom's are that way I guess. I have always been that way for my kids. Just a J thing. Hay is taking her Algebra 2 test today whoopie. yesterday was her Bio test scored a 66 upside down as she called it. Mazin' :) anyway not too much to say today believe it or not.

Got a scrambled mind and can't quite get my thoughts in order at this time maybe later today maybe not.....

So today marks the day of the last week of Hayley's last day of 9th grade. Wow what a ride it has been seems like a whirly dervish sometimes. I look at all of the things that happen in a year's time not just with her either but with everything and shake my head asking was that this year??? Or another year entirely?

The 1st half of the year crawled by sort of with Kristifer still being deployed. The white patch of hair seemed to grow in at a record pace thanks to worry but all is well and he is home creating havoc wherever he lands. But that's my boy. Gotta love his sense of humor, his smile, brutal honesty (gee wonder where he gets that from) and most of all knowing he always has everyone's back.

I mean HOLY SHIT I Jenn- Morrill after 23 long years did what? QUIT SMOKING!!!!!! Yep I still wake up sometimes asking for real? But in my soul miss the shit out of it that was so part of me and now on some days just seems like I have left something at home. But that does happen less often good thing.

Also I feel more like when we go do something fun I get this overwhelming tug on my heart like something great is missing like i left something important behind. Then think maybe I left something on like the stove. Then think no it doesn't feel as simple as that then realize what it is even though Kristifer Tyke graduated and left in '07 it is him that I feel as though I have left when we go to the beach or tubing or whatever. And I wonder do that ever go away in time or get to where that oh hell I left something at home just feels so much less. then I look at the grand picture and realize FUCK Hayley is going in 10th grade next year and she is 3 years behind and that Oh shit I left something at home will be 2 times greater so that is damn depressing. At the end of each school year and this was with Tyke too I felt a little sad knowing they were both one step closer to growing up. Now my son is a man and hayley well.....y'all get the picture.

Anyway it has been a year of watching Hayley accomplish a lot of 1st's and a year of her making me nuts. But I have loved every second of it! But I am glad the school year is comming to a close and she can rest cuz next year is gonna be a wild ride....they always are aren't they?